Meet My New Friend, Lent.

Just so you know...

Please don't be offended if, at any point in the next 40 days, you text me and I do not respond. I'll probably respond by calling you, but who knows. Just know that I think you are dandy and the fact that you texted me made me smile.

The thing is, I'm giving up texting for Lent. That means absolutely NO TEXTING WHATSOEVER from tomorrow (Ash Wednesday) until Easter Sunday. It seems a little bit silly, doesn't it? Well, it would be if I were doing it out of hatred for texting, because I don't hate texting at all. In fact, I like texting. But that's what Lent is about. Giving up something that means something to you, and replacing it with something better. Whether it be reading the Bible, praying, making a new friend, or reading a good book, I want to spend the time that I would normally spend texting differently. In the next 40 days, I want to:

1.) Read the Bible more.

2.) Read a few really great novels.

3.) Have more phone conversations.

4.) Write. I love to write.

5.) Be more efficient in my homework doing.

6.) Keep my room clean.

I'm sure I forgot something, but those are some things I'd like to spend time doing.

I'm off. Call me! (:

-caylielane.

Blogs and Longings

Hey there! You should read my mom's blog. It's wonderful, and oh-so-official. She even had her blog professionally designed, and it looks delightful! If you are reading this, you should click here and take a look at it. And maybe even comment and tell her what you think.

There are two things that I am longing for.

1.) My license. I get it in exactly 2 months! I can't even tell you what a glorious day that will be. I even have a little countdown thing in the corner of my screen. It says that I have 2 months, 0 days, 20 hours, 29 minutes, and 22...21...20 seconds until the big day! Can you tell I'm pumped?

2.) A job. Once upon a job, I applied at 896698759 places, and was offered various jobs, but I ended up not being able to take them because I didn't have my license. So, as you can see, with one comes the other. When I get my license, I shall start re-applying to different places. When I have a job, I will have some spending/Jamaica money. That will be a very good thing.

Today is a busy day, once more. After I finish doing school, I shall run 5.5 miles. (Hopefully with Timbo. Because, as I've said, that makes it so much better.) And then it will be time for me to head to the Rep for our LAST preview performance! Woohoo! It will be a grand time. And Mom, Dad, and Crib will be there! Even better.

Tomorrow morning, we have a student matinee, which I'm particularly excited about because Gracie and her mama will be there! It's so fun when I someone I know is in the audience. And then, tomorrow night is our official opening night, and a reception afterwards. Tim is coming all by his lonesome to that performance- there weren't many tickets left! Haha. I'm so glad that he's coming.

Well, school is calling my name, and I feel a strong obligation to answer it.

Have a good day. Make a new friend.

-caylielane.

Sigh.

Well, rehearsals have officially ended, and the shows are to begin today. Tonight, more specifically. So excited! These first three nights are technically preview performances, but they are still so very fun. I love theatre.

Yesterday was a crazy day. Surprise! Caylie? Having a crazy day? I know, I know, it's unheard of. But this is MY blog, and I can write on it what I want to, right? So I am going to tell you all about my crazy day yesterday.

It began with co-op. It was a fairly typical co-op day, but that is still good. I was a bit overwhelmed and stressed out with stinkin Algebra 2, but I felt better about it after class yesterday. I had a delicious lunch.

You know, I love lunch. Lunch is possibly my favorite meal. It's a chance to stop in the middle of the total insanity of my day, have a seat, and eat. I am not required or expected to do anything BUT eat at lunch time, no matter where I am. I am temporarily relieved of any responsibility, and that is a nice thing. I like lunch time.

Yesterday, I had oatmeal, strawberries, and a Butterfinger bar for lunch. The Butterfinger was a little present from Tim. It's crazy how much joy one little thing like that can bring me so much joy!

After co-op, and a trip to Kroger for groceries, it was time to run. Yesterday was a LONG run. 10 miles long, to be exact. Tim rode his bike by me the entire time, which was great. He helped keep my mind off of the fact that I was running that whole time. I actually really enjoyed it. I was wearing my semi-new running shoes, the weather was great, I had someone to talk to, I got to watch the sun go down, and I was at an oh-so-leisurely pace. It just doesn't get much better than that!

Then, when Tim and I got back to my house (I wobbled a bit on the walk back.), we ate food. Rice and beans and cheese....delicious.

Have you ever watched Heroes? I watched the first episode of it last night. I like that show, yes I do. I never have time to watch TV, so I can't promise that I'm going to keep watching it, but who knows?

I'm gonna work on history. I feel all distracted.

Gracie:

1. I love that one picture of you.

2. Weekend with muffins and stuff...let's please do that!

3. Christmas party in summer...that's the best idea since sliced bread.

-caylielane.

Happy Is What I Am.

Good morning! It's 8:05, and I am in a cheerful mood. I woke up to a wonderfully clean room, which automatically made me smile. When my room is clean, I can think. Also, that wonderful Eli was here. She left for school about 30 minutes ago- she's so great.

Eli is one of those people who I just click with. We get each other's jokes, we know each other's tendencies, and we love each other no matter what. We could talk to each other for the rest of our lives and never run out of things to say. I know I always say that she's great, but...really. Seriously. She means so much to me, and I can't even explain how blessed I am to have her in my life.

Today will be a pretty crazy day, consisting of three out of my four busy factors: School, running, and theatre. I'll be doing school until early afternoon-at least that is the plan. Then, I'm going on a five mile run- I'm hoping Tim can come over and ride with me (how great is he to be willing to do that?)- I really don't like to run more than 3 or 4 miles alone! Haha. Then, at 4:30, I'm off to the Rep for rehearsal! I'll be there until about 9:00ish. Woo! So much rehearsing, I tell you! And tomorrow, I have rehearsal from 10:00-6:00ish.

I'm just ready for this show to open- it's so much more exciting with an audience. Not that I don't love doing it now...because I do...I just...you know what I'm trying to say, I think.

I should get some schoolwork done. Bleghh. Yuck.

63 days until I get my driver's license! Yes, I'm seventeen years old. It's complicated.

-caylielane.

Changes

It's really amazing how much my life has changed in the past three years or so. Looking back at my journals from when I was fourteen and fifteen, I see that I wasn't truly happy. I thought it was as good as it would get for me, but I had no idea that God had so much more in store.

When I was about fourteen, I was incredibly insecure and frustrated. I was surrounded by friends, but I felt lonely sometimes. I felt like I wasn't pretty enough, smart enough, or social enough. I felt the pressure to be a certain way, but I had grown up in those surroundings and didn't know any different. I was constantly trying to find a friendship that was stress-free, where I didn't have to worry about how I acted around them, or what they thought about me. I was often trying to become what I thought was beautiful- I wanted the perfect hair, the name-brand clothes, the perfect body, and the makeup that was always just right. I was up until 1 am, stressing sometimes to the point of tears, trying to get all of my schoolwork done, because I wanted to be that girl who had the perfect grades-that girl who had it all together.

What I didn't realize was, "that girl" doesn't exist.

Agh, just thinking back to those times makes me cringe. I was not happy.

There is nothing wrong with wanting friends, or desiring to be beautiful (I am a girl, afterall), or striving to make great grades. But, looking back, I can see that I had allowed myself to become so consumed with all of that that I lost sight of reality.

God is more real than reality is. And God has always loved me just as I am.

When I started homeschooling, the transformation process began. It was not easy- I had to be broken before I could truly see. I felt like I had no friends for a while- though they still cared about me, all my friends from my old school (except for Eli) had moved on, and I was faced with the reality that for years and years, I had been finding my identity in my friends, and what they thought of me, rather than in Christ- his opinion is so much more valuable, and so much more real.

When I allowed myself to let go of that issue that I had harbored for so long, I began to experience freedom. More or less, I was myself around my new friends, who were such blessings. More or less, I let go of the pressure I was putting on myself to look a certain way. And more or less, I stopped putting such an emphasis on schoolwork that I couldn't enjoy outside things.

I said more or less before all of these because, I am still in the transformation process. I will be in the transformation process until the day I am in heaven. God has slowly molded me more and more into the person that he desires for me to be. I still have flaws, and I screw up all the time. But my focus has changed from other people to God, and I can say that with confidence.

I'm so thankful that God has given me my family- they love me and support me, no matter what. Also, my friends are such an incredible blessing- I know what true friendship is, and I couldn't be more thankful. My church, my school...these are places where I can thrive as a follower of Christ. I'm thankful for that, because it's giving me the foundation I will need when I go off to college. That's sneaking up on me...it's closer than I can believe.

Christ loves us with our imperfections, not despite them.

I just had that thought and wanted to put it into writing.

Just something to think about. (:

-caylielane.

Today....

Today was a good day. It consisted of two of my four busy factors that I wrote about in my last post- school and church. Not running or theatre, actually. It's rare for me to have a day without either of those! I don't mind that, though. Anyhoo.

Today, I had co-op. Two of my four classes were cancelled, so I only had Art and Persuasive Writing. It was quite a light load! Haha. I liked it. After co-op, I was off to a junior class meeting. We are already planning our senior trip that will happen in a little bit over a year. Pretty funny, huh? We were originally planning a cruise, but that didn't work out...so it looks like we will be going to Florida! Or possibly Alabama. The beach. Which is still good, because I love the beach (as I also mentioned in my last post).

After the meeting, and a quick run to Tropical Smoothie (I got a Kiwi Quencher. It had been a while. YUMBO.), my sweet mama dropped me off at Tim's house. Gracie and Scott were already there, and I had arrived just in time to watch an episode of Chuck. Oh, how I love that show. If you haven't watched it, please do. I kid you not, it's spectacular. It will make you laugh, and it will make you cry. Possibly all at the same time. I highly recommend it.

Around 6 pm, we all headed to the church for Orbit. It was exceptionally good tonight. The main topic was simply loving your neighbor as yourself. If you are anything like I am, as soon as you read that, you allowed yourself to tune out what you were about to read. I do the same thing. Love your neighbor as yourself- we've all heard it, we all get it, right? Wrong. At least, for me. It's incredible how something so simple can be so hard to do. Or rather, can seem so hard to do. It's really not that complicated- we are called to treat others as we want to be treated. Or, to speak to others as we would like to be spoken to...give to others what we would like to be given. It's so easy to say no, but it's so rewarding to say yes.

Eli, I miss you.

-caylielane.

In and Out, In and Out.

That's the kind of blogger I have been lately. I know I always say my life is crazy, and I'm so busy, and all of that. But like...seriously.

The four things that are taking up a lot of my time lately are school, church, running, and theatre. School isn't necessarily worse than it has been, but it still can be boggling at times, when I'm trying to squeeze it in between the 70 thousand other things I'm trying to do. Church is wonderful, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love the teaching there, and I love the people there. Running...well, here's an interesting story for you.

So, that dear girl Carolyn and I have been planning on running the Little Rock Half Marathon together. We've both been training our booties off. I even got some much-needed new running shoes, just in time to break them in before the race. Last year, I registered for the race the week before, just to be on the safe side (in case of injury or sickness, or a crazy schedule conflict.). That's what the plan was this year as well. But...apparently running is getting more popular, because the Half Marathon filled up before I got the chance to register! When I found out, I was beyond frustrated. Beyond. I can't even express it. Not only did I not get to run this race that I'd been training for weeks and weeks for, but Carolyn didn't have anyone to run it with! Problem.

But, I have exceptionally sweet and thoughtful parents. They automatically started looking for other half marathons that I could do. They eventually found out about the Seabrook Lucky Trail Marathon, close to Galveston, Texas. I think my grandfather, who is from Austin, told them about it. Anyway, I get to run a half marathon after all! We are making it into our family's spring break trip! Carolyn is even going to come with us, so that she can run with me! We will have a grand time. We'll even get to go to the beach. I LOVE THE BEACH. More than words allow me to express. I love it. This trip will be very good.

And, the last thing of my list of things that are keeping me busy...theatre. I'm in the middle of rehearsals for a show called Review the Revue. It's so much fun, and it's going to be a great show. It just takes up a whole lot of time!

Sometimes, I like to just sit and think. And pray. I need peace in the middle of this insanity. I've found that through all of my school work, my social stuff, my long runs, my rehearsals...God is constant. He's always there, and that doesn't change. That alone gives me peace.

-caylielane.