Happy Is What I Am.

Good morning! It's 8:05, and I am in a cheerful mood. I woke up to a wonderfully clean room, which automatically made me smile. When my room is clean, I can think. Also, that wonderful Eli was here. She left for school about 30 minutes ago- she's so great.

Eli is one of those people who I just click with. We get each other's jokes, we know each other's tendencies, and we love each other no matter what. We could talk to each other for the rest of our lives and never run out of things to say. I know I always say that she's great, but...really. Seriously. She means so much to me, and I can't even explain how blessed I am to have her in my life.

Today will be a pretty crazy day, consisting of three out of my four busy factors: School, running, and theatre. I'll be doing school until early afternoon-at least that is the plan. Then, I'm going on a five mile run- I'm hoping Tim can come over and ride with me (how great is he to be willing to do that?)- I really don't like to run more than 3 or 4 miles alone! Haha. Then, at 4:30, I'm off to the Rep for rehearsal! I'll be there until about 9:00ish. Woo! So much rehearsing, I tell you! And tomorrow, I have rehearsal from 10:00-6:00ish.

I'm just ready for this show to open- it's so much more exciting with an audience. Not that I don't love doing it now...because I do...I just...you know what I'm trying to say, I think.

I should get some schoolwork done. Bleghh. Yuck.

63 days until I get my driver's license! Yes, I'm seventeen years old. It's complicated.

-caylielane.

Changes

It's really amazing how much my life has changed in the past three years or so. Looking back at my journals from when I was fourteen and fifteen, I see that I wasn't truly happy. I thought it was as good as it would get for me, but I had no idea that God had so much more in store.

When I was about fourteen, I was incredibly insecure and frustrated. I was surrounded by friends, but I felt lonely sometimes. I felt like I wasn't pretty enough, smart enough, or social enough. I felt the pressure to be a certain way, but I had grown up in those surroundings and didn't know any different. I was constantly trying to find a friendship that was stress-free, where I didn't have to worry about how I acted around them, or what they thought about me. I was often trying to become what I thought was beautiful- I wanted the perfect hair, the name-brand clothes, the perfect body, and the makeup that was always just right. I was up until 1 am, stressing sometimes to the point of tears, trying to get all of my schoolwork done, because I wanted to be that girl who had the perfect grades-that girl who had it all together.

What I didn't realize was, "that girl" doesn't exist.

Agh, just thinking back to those times makes me cringe. I was not happy.

There is nothing wrong with wanting friends, or desiring to be beautiful (I am a girl, afterall), or striving to make great grades. But, looking back, I can see that I had allowed myself to become so consumed with all of that that I lost sight of reality.

God is more real than reality is. And God has always loved me just as I am.

When I started homeschooling, the transformation process began. It was not easy- I had to be broken before I could truly see. I felt like I had no friends for a while- though they still cared about me, all my friends from my old school (except for Eli) had moved on, and I was faced with the reality that for years and years, I had been finding my identity in my friends, and what they thought of me, rather than in Christ- his opinion is so much more valuable, and so much more real.

When I allowed myself to let go of that issue that I had harbored for so long, I began to experience freedom. More or less, I was myself around my new friends, who were such blessings. More or less, I let go of the pressure I was putting on myself to look a certain way. And more or less, I stopped putting such an emphasis on schoolwork that I couldn't enjoy outside things.

I said more or less before all of these because, I am still in the transformation process. I will be in the transformation process until the day I am in heaven. God has slowly molded me more and more into the person that he desires for me to be. I still have flaws, and I screw up all the time. But my focus has changed from other people to God, and I can say that with confidence.

I'm so thankful that God has given me my family- they love me and support me, no matter what. Also, my friends are such an incredible blessing- I know what true friendship is, and I couldn't be more thankful. My church, my school...these are places where I can thrive as a follower of Christ. I'm thankful for that, because it's giving me the foundation I will need when I go off to college. That's sneaking up on me...it's closer than I can believe.

Christ loves us with our imperfections, not despite them.

I just had that thought and wanted to put it into writing.

Just something to think about. (:

-caylielane.

Today....

Today was a good day. It consisted of two of my four busy factors that I wrote about in my last post- school and church. Not running or theatre, actually. It's rare for me to have a day without either of those! I don't mind that, though. Anyhoo.

Today, I had co-op. Two of my four classes were cancelled, so I only had Art and Persuasive Writing. It was quite a light load! Haha. I liked it. After co-op, I was off to a junior class meeting. We are already planning our senior trip that will happen in a little bit over a year. Pretty funny, huh? We were originally planning a cruise, but that didn't work out...so it looks like we will be going to Florida! Or possibly Alabama. The beach. Which is still good, because I love the beach (as I also mentioned in my last post).

After the meeting, and a quick run to Tropical Smoothie (I got a Kiwi Quencher. It had been a while. YUMBO.), my sweet mama dropped me off at Tim's house. Gracie and Scott were already there, and I had arrived just in time to watch an episode of Chuck. Oh, how I love that show. If you haven't watched it, please do. I kid you not, it's spectacular. It will make you laugh, and it will make you cry. Possibly all at the same time. I highly recommend it.

Around 6 pm, we all headed to the church for Orbit. It was exceptionally good tonight. The main topic was simply loving your neighbor as yourself. If you are anything like I am, as soon as you read that, you allowed yourself to tune out what you were about to read. I do the same thing. Love your neighbor as yourself- we've all heard it, we all get it, right? Wrong. At least, for me. It's incredible how something so simple can be so hard to do. Or rather, can seem so hard to do. It's really not that complicated- we are called to treat others as we want to be treated. Or, to speak to others as we would like to be spoken to...give to others what we would like to be given. It's so easy to say no, but it's so rewarding to say yes.

Eli, I miss you.

-caylielane.

In and Out, In and Out.

That's the kind of blogger I have been lately. I know I always say my life is crazy, and I'm so busy, and all of that. But like...seriously.

The four things that are taking up a lot of my time lately are school, church, running, and theatre. School isn't necessarily worse than it has been, but it still can be boggling at times, when I'm trying to squeeze it in between the 70 thousand other things I'm trying to do. Church is wonderful, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love the teaching there, and I love the people there. Running...well, here's an interesting story for you.

So, that dear girl Carolyn and I have been planning on running the Little Rock Half Marathon together. We've both been training our booties off. I even got some much-needed new running shoes, just in time to break them in before the race. Last year, I registered for the race the week before, just to be on the safe side (in case of injury or sickness, or a crazy schedule conflict.). That's what the plan was this year as well. But...apparently running is getting more popular, because the Half Marathon filled up before I got the chance to register! When I found out, I was beyond frustrated. Beyond. I can't even express it. Not only did I not get to run this race that I'd been training for weeks and weeks for, but Carolyn didn't have anyone to run it with! Problem.

But, I have exceptionally sweet and thoughtful parents. They automatically started looking for other half marathons that I could do. They eventually found out about the Seabrook Lucky Trail Marathon, close to Galveston, Texas. I think my grandfather, who is from Austin, told them about it. Anyway, I get to run a half marathon after all! We are making it into our family's spring break trip! Carolyn is even going to come with us, so that she can run with me! We will have a grand time. We'll even get to go to the beach. I LOVE THE BEACH. More than words allow me to express. I love it. This trip will be very good.

And, the last thing of my list of things that are keeping me busy...theatre. I'm in the middle of rehearsals for a show called Review the Revue. It's so much fun, and it's going to be a great show. It just takes up a whole lot of time!

Sometimes, I like to just sit and think. And pray. I need peace in the middle of this insanity. I've found that through all of my school work, my social stuff, my long runs, my rehearsals...God is constant. He's always there, and that doesn't change. That alone gives me peace.

-caylielane.

Will You Be My Valentine?

Happy Valentines Day to you! I hope it's been a good day, whether you did anything valentine-y or not. It's been a good day for me. I even made some valentines! Construction paper hearts and all. It was a joyous thing.

Carson also LOVED the holiday. (If you call it a holiday...I don't think of Valentines Day as an official...anything. But it's fun!) He made little goodie bags to bring to his preschool tomorrow. They will be having a Valentines Day party. Little Dash simply cannot WAIT! He's been running around, telling everyone he sees to have a happy Valentines day. Oh man, I love that kid.

It was a glorious day today. And I ran 8 miles! It felt good! Tim, who is oh so kind to me, rode his bike by me the entire time.

This post is short.

Buh-bye now.

-caylielane.

February 9th, 2011.

Today is already a very, very good day. Why?

1.) I slept incredibly well, dreaming of happy things.

2.) I slept incredibly late. 10:00 is late for me. It was joyous.

3.) I woke myself up. No alarm or yelling Carson (I love him, but he's not the most gentle way to be woken up.)

4.) My room is clean.

5.) As soon as I woke up, I looked out my window to find that my world has been draped in white! Snow is here! And snow was still falling- even better.

6.) I came downstairs, where I had some peanut butter toast on gluten free bread. Delicious.

7.) Carson and I made snow cream. Snow ICE cream! It was great fun, and it tasted pretty good too!

8 cups of fresh fallen snow.

1 cup of sugar.

1 cup of milk.

2 tablespoons of vanilla.

Blend together, and enjoy.

8.) My wonderful daddy is downstairs making chili. I will admit I'm not the biggest chili fan, but it's a snow day. I'm willing to have an open mind.

9.) Co-op was cancelled! This is good, because I don't have to go to my classes and think about conjugating verbs, or parabolas or whatnot. The bad thing is that I don't get to see my friends.

10.) We are going sledding soon! Oh it shall be so fabulous. Eli is going to meet up with us for the fun! I love that best friend of mine.

My list has come to an end.

This blog is becoming my friend.

Oh look! I made a rhyme.

It's almost sledding time!

I really should write poetry more.

Its keeping right now from becoming a bore.

I shall, it's decided! I shall write it more often.

Now what rhymes with that? Let's see...

Dolphin?

Oh me oh my. My brain is being swirly! It's a happy day, and I thank God for the weather.

Ciao!

-caylielane.

My Cup Overfloweth.

Hello, hello. I have returned to this little blog of mine-not as quickly as I had hoped that I would, but I have returned nonetheless. I have realized what it is that causes dry spells of blogging. I feel like I am behind on the things that I want to talk about (Boring weekend, Blissdom) and it becomes this huge thing in my head that feels straight up overwhelming. So, in order to maintain some form of sanity, I'm going to quickly summarize Boring and Blissdom, and then I shall move on about my business.

Boring Weekend.

Boring Weekend was incredible. It was incredibly simple, incredibly deep, and and an incredibly needed break from the craziness of my life. We spent the weekend at a beautiful camp, being with each other and with God. We read part of Psalms, part of Acts, and the entire book of Phillipians. But what was so great was that it was much more than just reading the Bible. We read it, and then we discussed it in depth.

The great thing about discussing the Bible with other people is that you are exposed to the thoughts and ideas of other people, in addition to your own. More potential for learning and growth, not to mention awesome community. Times like Boring (far from it) Weekend strengthen my relationship with God as well as my relationship with the people around me. It was an awesome weekend. It was just right. Not too many people, and not to little.

Blissdom Blogging Conference ("blogging conference" is still hilarious to me...)

For a more in-depth post, including pictures, about our experience at Blissdom, look at my mom's super-adorable blog- www.christiswritingthewaves.blogspot.com Yup.

This was a really interesting experience for me. First off, I had no clue how huge the "blogosphere" was. Like...it's insane, I tell you. So many bloggers! Most of the people attending this conference were stylin' blogging mamas, so I was a bit out of place, but I didn't mind too much. I was with my mom, so I was never lonely. I learned a lot about blogging, and made connections with a ton of people! Mom and I also got some great quality time in. Haha.

Again, that was quite brief, so for more details, go to my mama's blog. Pretty please.

Well, rehearsals have started for Review the Revue! So exciting. I love doing shows at the Rep more than I love...like...Dove white chocolate. You can quote me on that. I love theatre. Haha. I think it will be a great show. I'm going to be crazy busy for the next month or so, but I will love every second of it. No joke. I tell no lies to you, reader of my blog.

Guess what? It's supposed to snow tomorrow! That's a pretty big deal down here in Arkansas. People get quite excited. That includes myself. Apparently we could get anywhere from 4 to 12 inches. I've heard both of those numbers and everywhere in between. Even if it's only 4ish, I'll take it! That means no co-op, just snow partying. So happy. Maybe I'll even drink hot chocolate! Haha.

Today, I'm going on a four mile run (accompanied by Tim, riding his bike), and then going to a basketball game to not only watch basketball, but watch my dear Eli cheer! She's going to be so great. I love her.

Speaking of that lovely lady, we had a fun night together last night. We met up at Target and shopped around a little bit, which was great. I love Target. Honestly. It's cheap, and it's cute. It brings me smiles, and all the warm and fuzzy feelings that come with them. Now if only I had some money. Anyhoo. After Target, we had stir-fry at an insanely fabulous Asian restaurant. Have I ever told you that I LOVE anything Asian? Especially if it's food. And especially if it's Eli. So, last night was great. And then we came home, did some homework, and went to bed at an oh-so-early 10:30 pm. That is absolutely unheard of for me.

Well, I suppose I shall go now. 'Tis time for me to do some last minute schoolwork, and then to go running with Timbo, and then to go cheer my heart out for Elizabeth Gail. This will be a happy day.

And, bonus-SNOW tomorrow! My cup overfloweth. Seriously.

-caylielane.

Mini Post

Wow. Hello. I'm back again. Sadly, I don't have time for a long post updating you on Blissdom and Boring right now...but let me just say, my brother Christian started a blog, and you should follow it. Because...he's cool. And he's my brother.

www.followingchris.blogspot.com

Be back soon, I promise. Off to chemistry!

-caylielane.